Just to give you an idea of my friend.....we met online, both same age. He is divorced. He is Eastern Indian and Portugese (sp). He looks 24, not 34. He looks like a MODEL, great personality.......total gentlemen. I drove downtown CHICAGO, for the first time to meet him and go to dinner....Very successful, hard working, cute as a button. We had the time of our life! He took me to this very romantic, expensive fondue restaruant. He is very deep in life and getting to know people.....this is only one question he asked me.....but he put me into a tailspin of alot of questions. If nothing more comes of this....we will be good/great friends. Please enjoy, as you are all mothers.
Dear John~
You asked me an honest question over our lovely dinner Sunday night at Gejas. Since then I have had so much time to reflect on that question, and many times wanted to turn around and say “Oh this is one more reason why it is worth it…..”. Your question was ‘Is it worth it to have kids?’, you asked that in a sincere loving way. I know exactly what you meant, being 34 divorced….your left wondering…..’Am I missing out really’?
Your lifestyle changes…..you don’t have freedom to just go 24/7. They interfere with work…invade your bed at the most inopportune times…..talk you to death……overwhelm you with questions…(why? Why? Why?). Take over space that use to be all yours, hog the bed, cost you a fortune in medical, childcare, toys, clothing, diapers, formula…..and some how force us into spoiling them rotten. Just when you thought you were in control of your life and could stand your ground, you now have this 2ft (3ft, 4ft,etc)little person that can bat an eye and you cave. Your social life becomes a calendar of play dates, parks, McDonalds, Zoo’s, cartoons. You no longer control the TV, or your sleep. You go from listening to your favorite tunes to catching yourself singing songs from Barney & Wiggles. Your clothes become napkins. They bring out the Lion and Grizzly Bear in you when it comes to protecting them. You find yourself trading in that cool car for the family van.
But nothing in the world makes all the above so bad when they hand you that tiny little bundle of joy. You loose hours staring at that tiny little person that you are now responsible for, in awe of such a miracle. You discover for the first time as a man, you can cry tears, and not be ashamed. The world seems at peace when they lay on your chest and sleep with out a care in the world. You quickly discover that the camera is your new best friend…….their first smile, rolling over, crawling, & steps have you telling the world. That first “Dadda, or Mamma” sends your heart to your stomach. As they grow into little balls of energy…..you realize your now GOD in their eyes. You could do no wrong. You can fix anything & have all the answers. They will test your knowledge and ask questions that you can’t explain or put into toddler language. They keep you honest and humble, teach us patience. I remember a moment with my 3 yr old, I had lost my cool with her…..she looked me in the eyes and said with a trembling lip “that was not necessary.” The same 5yr old crawling into our lap and saying she was so thankful, Santa had been to generous to her. Brooklyn my youngest will be turning 7 in a week asked me today if we could collect money and take it to the poor. She asked where could we find the poor.
I have a wall of cards and pictures……..they all say I Love you Mom! I get one on a daily basis when she is here, maybe more than one. I have every single picture/craft etc from day one of preschool up to the present. You become the biggest receiver and giver of hugs and kisses, butterfly kisses, Eskimo kisses.
Christmas takes on a whole new perspective…..you go from wanting presents to could careless if you get a single one….your joy is in seeing what your child gets. If you didn’t believe in the magic of Christmas before……your child will change that forever.
I woke up the other morning at 4 am to my 7 year old staring at me, asking me what are we doing today? And what’s for breakfast? Then she cuddled up and told me how beautiful I was and that she loved me.
The independence struggle will turn your hair gray! How do you convince a 4 yr old that yes they are a big boy/girl now, but no they cannot go to the bathroom in a restaurant by themselves…..it’s not them you don’t trust, it is the world around them you don’t trust. And that 16/17 yr old who is pushing every limit possible to drive……..talk about fear…..waiting for that first call that they were in an accident. When you were a kid 18 years seemed like an eternity…..when you put it into raising a child, don’t blink you will miss that 18 years. I still cannot believe that in less than one year my daughter will be 18. We are talking SAT’s, college visits, and the pro’s and con of renting an apartment with a male friend. One moment I feel like my child is going gone…….but in the next I am in awe of the beautiful, responsible, young women she is becoming……and I feel blessed. Thankful to God, because every moment I have been given with my children is a gift from God…….every tear, every lesson learned, every sick moment. Would I trade this in for free time, more vacations, more money, less debt? NO, not for anything.
My dear John, I can only say this coming from my experience as a mother…….but I have witnessed friends who had busy life’s and didn’t want children transform into exactly what I have described above. You of all people I could only imagine as a great father, your personality is big, and your heart bigger. Thank you for giving me this gift. Your question has been an amazing soul searching peaceful exploration……I could probably add pages to this as the days go by……but I am sure you get my point. I look forward to discovering Chicago with you, and discovering you and I and what we bring out in each other. Thanks for being a friend.
Love,
Gretchen
